Had a very crap few weeks, hence me not posting, sorry :(
Uni is so stressful, I have more exams coming up and had to do a presentation last week which I don't think went very well, haven't been sleeping, feeling extra depressed and to top it all off I'm not in control of my eating. I've binged twice this week, after two horrible days I just went and bought lots of 'binge' food which I haven't done in a long time and ate myself into the evening in front of the tv. Didn't even bother to purge. I didn't care. Now my stomach feels enormous and even though I haven't binged since, I haven't restricted either. I think once this bad depressive phase is over I'll be able to think more clearly and start restricting again. My exam is early next week so I'm just praying that after that, things will return to how I want them to: i.e. I will be in control again. *sigh*. Sorry I really don't have much to say, my depression is so bad I can't really form sentences at the moment. Have skipped Uni so much since returning from Australia. I had such a great time there and even though I was 143-145 the whole time I was there, I managed to maintain it by eating, but eating healthily. I ate lots of salads and fruit and I never went hungry. I felt good because I wasn't starving all the time, and yet I wasn't gaining weight. Everyone commented on how thin I looked and I actually felt relatively ok in a bikini which has never happened in my life. I never thought I would feel so good at a BMI of 20-21 but I did. Anyway, I'm still aiming for a BMI of 19.1... I've just decided that that's the number I want to be.
I haven't weighed myself for two weeks as I just can't face the scales, I just have this awful feeling that I must be heading close to 150 again. I was 140 late last year, how did this happen?? Sometimes I wish I could just leave Uni and concentrate on being thin and happy but then what kind of life would that be? I feel like completing a degree is what will impress everyone else around me, so I have to do it.
Sorry if this is a very random message. I'm not even going to proof read it for typos i'm too tired. Today my sugar cravings were so bad I started to eat maple syrup out of the container. How digusting is that?
Bye for now lovelies, eating is never worth it!!
xxx
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hugs :)
ReplyDeletethe most important thing right now is getting through yur exams you have the rest of your life to get thin but now is your only chance for this degree
this is what ive been telling myself cause i feel like quitting to
x
If you must eat, do what you did in Oz. Eat healthy and sensible to power your brain for the exams. After that, focus on the weightloss.
ReplyDeleteTRD is right, you have only NOW to pass this exam, the rest of your life for thin. Don't let the ED bastard fuck Uni up for you <3
Hey there,
ReplyDeleteI havet to tell you:
sometimes I wish I had all the time in the world to not eat, work out and calculate my way to being thin, but you are right:
what kind of life would that be?
Forget it!
You have to have something for yourself, something that is not related to food or body shape. you have to train your mind, too. And I really know how hard it is to learn and prepare if all important things are related to other topics, but stay strong! Finish your exams, eat as much as you need, and return to food issues and so on the minute the exams are over!
Take good care...
hope uni will go smoothly for you. don't give up on the exams.
ReplyDeleteeat healthy and try to manage yor time :)
*your
ReplyDelete