I binged today. I hate food. I really do. It's the enemy.
I'd been experiencing this horrible, nagging feeling to binge all week, but I'd held back. I was still 142.6 this morning, which is fine, it's still the same weight, but it's not an increase at least. But I had this big presentation to give at Uni today which was stressing me out and after the presentation, I felt this overwhelming sense of relief - that it was over, and yet I needed to EAT! I had this urge to stuff my face AFTER the stressful event, but I don't understand why!!
Breakfast and lunch were fine - coffee, vegetable soup and 1 apple. But after I left Uni it all went downhill.
For the train journey home I bought a packet of potato chips, a small tuna salad, & a dried fruit and nut mix. Later I went out for dinner and had roast chicken with carrots, peas, mashed potato and gravy, when I got home I had more dried fruit and cashew nuts and about two handfuls of banana chips (which are TERRIBLE!)..Omg.. Fuck my life!! I haven't eaten potato chips in over 3 months, what possessed me to buy them today?? I have never bought food for the train journey home before - it's too dangerous! There is 'bad food' everywhere at train stations!
I must've had 2000 calories??
Anyway, there is no food in my house except soup so i'm praying this is just a one off binge day. They never happen, my binges usually last for days or weeks. I know I wont get to 140 by Friday, but I can't dwell on it or I will continue to binge. God bingeing just isn't worth it! Sometimes when I start to binge I think, "this is SO worth it, tastes SO good" but that feeling lasts less than 5 minutes.
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Have you ever tried calorie cycling? You start off having 200 calories a day, 400 the next, 600 the next, 800, and then 1000. After that you go back to 200. This way you are still way under your calorie allowance for the week but have days where you can let go, eat more and not feel bad about it. A binge or higher calorie day every so often is good as it boosts your metabolism
ReplyDeleteDisrepaired is right, don’t be too hard on yourself! Besides, you didn’t binge on sweets or chocolate or anything, you had relatively healthy food. You’ve not lost yet!
ReplyDeleteI've just had five consecutive days of non-stop binging and I'm hoping to break the cycle today. Don't let go! I did, and it -I- was disgusting. ):
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